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Tantric meditation – awaken sexual pleasure

Tiger, tantric meditations awakening pleasure

Tantric meditations & techniques for awakening sexual pleasure

This is a simple meditation series I often use at the beginning of sessions, it can be practised for 5 – 20 minutes a day. When practised thoroughly and with commitment, it can move MOUNTAINS when learning to cultivate deeper and more satisfying sexual intimacy with yourself! Why not try it out for a month and see what happens, do write and let me know how you get on.

Tantric meditation one:

Cultivating an easeful and relaxed connection with your sex

Be seated comfortably with your spine straight, its ok to lean against something, the emphasis is to be in a relaxed easy posture without slumping the torso. You can be naked, wearing loose comfortable clothing, or if in a work suit you might loosen belts and ties, and after some practice do stage one in a toilet cubicle at work for 5 minutes on your break (yes really)!

Using whichever hand feels right, hold your sex centre. Depending upon your mobility shuffle fingers underneath your pelvis so you are sitting on them, tips of your fingers roughly around your perineum (behind the testicles for a man, just behind the opening of the vagina for the woman). If you can’t reach this far don’t worry! It’s more important to be relaxed in your body with the intention of scooping up your sex centre in a comfortable hold.

Now just breathe and be present to all that you feel for a few moments!

Notice if you feel sillyness, embarrassment or shame – that’s ok! In simply feeling these things and letting them go, you are moving through shame based sexuality, towards being connected and comfortable with your sex. So just feel whatever you feel for a minute or two, concentrating on nice full breaths. Then when you have settled and are breathing in a slow, steady rhythm – still holding your sex:

Begin to scan through your body, beginning up at the head. In each area simply bring all your attention and awareness into the physical / energy / emotional sensations. You are scanning for areas of tension, any that you notice simply breathe it out with a little sigh letting go. Scan from head down through neck, shoulders, arms, hands, then chest. In particular pay particular attention to relaxing the belly, allowing it to roll out like a Buddah belly. Then move onto the hips, pelvis, sex, buttocks, thighs – all the way down to your feet.

To finish – still holding your sex! – spend as long as you can, simply breathing and being with your whole body and being. You may focus on breathing into and thus expanding – any pleasurable, joyful or relaxed feelings that you notice. Don’t try too hard though, the important thing is to drop into a relaxed and easeful presence. This will come to you more readily over time!

Tantric meditation two:

Exploring your relationship with your sex!

With practice you will be able to drop into the ease and relaxation of stage one more readily. You can then bring more focus to your sex centre and your relationship with it. Spend a little time dropping into ease through stage one, then experiment with some of the following:

The sand clock

Imagine your body is an egg timer (or sand clock). The middle is around your solar plexus, it reaches up to the top of your head and down to your sex. Imagine the sand gradually emptying from the top half through to the bottom half. Focus on the sensation of the top becoming more empty and clear, and the bottom half becoming fuller. Your awareness is like the grains of sand. Eventually your awareness will empty from your mind, and accumulate in your sex centre. As awareness builds up here, you may become more aware of sensations, perhaps pleasure will build.

Sensate awareness

Simply focus on the physical sensations of contact between your hand and sex centre. Feel the warmth of your hand, its connection with your sex. Bring your awareness and breath to any feelings of comfort, safety or pleasure that you feel in your sex. If your feeling is initially one of absence or no sensation, then just be as deeply as you can with that, and continue to relax more deeply into your body. If you can allow to flow and express without judgement, any feelings that arise such as tears, sorrow, or laughter. Breathing in through your nose and out through your mouth with a sigh will help this (see section 3 also).

The tantric handshake!

Having bought awareness to your sex with one of the above, then begin to reflect, how is your relationship with your sex? The way in which we do or don’t make physical contact with others, expresses something about our relationship with them. How is your greeting: is it warm and present like with a familiar friend? Or cold and distant, drifting off into fantasy perhaps? Your intention is to notice without judging or blaming how it is NOW. And then setting an intention for how you would LIKE IT TO BE!

To begin to create this intention simply say “Hello!” to your sex! If you can actually speak this out loud and some things you have noticed. If you notice distance and regret, you may speak in a heartfelt way your commitment of how things will be from now on. You may voice from your heart a commitment to really know and honour your sex. Above all keep bringing your attention and awareness down into the warmth and contactful connection between your sex and your hand, simply breathing and being present to this and any feelings that arise.

You might like journal about what you learn in this practice and how it evolves.

Tantric meditation three:

Moving into union, becoming one with your sex!

Up till now, we have been treating our sex and our selves as two separate things. But of course, this is not the deeper truth, though it might be the truth of our experience for a time. Now we are going to focus on releasing all separation that is created by our societies tendency to fear – and so separate off from – our sex, and with this from our very origins and life force!

The essence of this phase is rather than going to your sex as a separate place, you are allowing to spontaneously arise through your body and voice, the energy of your sex. You are allowing yourself to surrender totally to your sex! This is a foundational practice for moving into full body orgasms. Begin as in stage one, each time you practice try one of the following (still, yes STILL comfortably holding your sex!). This section will need a private place to practice so you can make noise, maybe not one for the office toilet ;-).

The three tantric keys are breath, movement and sound, they are essential to this stage!

Breath:

Experiment! Become more dynamic and noisy in your breathing. Play with fast and deep, slow and long. Look up pranayama breathing practices and practice these separately to become more conscious of your breath in general. If you come for sessions with me, I can teach you some specifically tantric and Taoist breaths for moving sexual energy. But for now simply breathe deeply and intend a union between your sex and your breath. You can help this along with movement…

Movement:

Notice whether up until now, your body has been totally still during all other stages of this practice. If so, you need now to begin to introduce movement. Eventually we are allowing the sexual energy to move the body in spontaneous ways, at first you may simply have to set the body in motion to open that channel. You can:

  • Rotate the hips, small circles clockwise and anti clockwise
  • Move snaking your torso freely in time with your breath, begin with a rocking back and forth in your pelvis
  • Begin to look for a wave like motion through the body, travelling from the pelvis all the way up to the head, with each breath
  • Shake and vibrate the body, this is often good done with an open throat and sound…

Sound:

Just allow anything, any sound at all to leave you lips! If you find it hard to begin try this:

  • Make a long ahhhhhhhhh sound, keep repeating
  • Then try an auuummmmmmmmmm sound
  • Try an eeehhhhhhh sound, and experiment from here, noticing how the different sounds feel
  • As you begin to make a connection between your voice and your sex let it sing, what song would it sing!
  • Or allow how it is just through noise, gibberish, no words
  • Experiment with different qualities of sound, remember our sex doesn’t have to sound pretty! It may want to snarl, hiss, bark or growl, softly cry, weep or laugh out loud and holler with joy
  • allow your sex a voice as different kinds of animal from a soft kitten to a dragon!

Speaking as your sex:

Speaking can often take us up into our logic centres, so spend a good amount of time on pure sounding before moving into this. Here we speak directly as our sex, as oppose to being separate from and speaking to it. This is important in helping us to voice our desires passionately and authentically in the moment!

I am [your name]’s sex, and I am going to tell you about myself…

Then see what follows. See if you can really allow (let rip!) energy and emotion, your sex may not always be pretty, rationale or civil! Begin with “I am…” on topics such as:

  • Who is s/he? (allow poetry, s/he might be a flower, an animal, a superhero!)
  • How does s/he feel?
  • What does s/he desire?
  • What does s/he fear?

Juicing it all up!:

  • Include a PC pump, that is pulling up at the perineum (as if stopping mid pee), clenching and releasing this muscle group.
  • Surrendering the practice: simply begin dropping into holding your sex, breathing and spontaneously moving and making sound
  • Drop all mind, all effort, and just allow yourself to be!
  • If you have been practicing for some time, you may find that spontaneous energy orgasms begin to occur
  • You may find yourself breathing and moving to orgasm!

Playing with all of the above for one month, will most likely awaken new experiences in your sex centre. Cultivate practising in an easy and non judgemental way, being kind and compassionate with yourself. Many of us are coming from a culture of little or no education about our pleasure and sex. In fact despite all the imagery of sex that abounds, we still live in a predominantly sex shaming and inhibiting culture. If we chastise ourselves for not getting it right, not being sexy, womanly or manly enough – we only reinforce the experience of shame. So whatever happens, be loving in your practice. Allow whatever time you need to heal and unfurl past these old paradigms, into the new ones of your creating!

Tantric meditation & techniques: some background

Stage one: cultivating an easeful and relaxed connection with your sex

Your ego will surrender more easily to practice if it knows WHY you are choosing to do something. Below is some background to all the stages above to help you understand why you are doing the practice.

The intention of stage one is to awaken feelings of relaxed, undemanding ease in connection with your sex. Many of us feel shame, embarrassment, or have accumulated lots of fear and anxiety around our sexual experience. This will show up as tension and contractions in our body whenever we enter into a sexual experience, limiting the pleasure we can feel. The tension maybe so great we are even rendered unable to relax into sexual experiences at all.

Additionally we often only touch our sex when we want it to perform. This can be for our own benefit, or perhaps we want a good performance for our love interest, so we often come to our sex aggressively demanding…

Hey you, I want pleasure NOW!

Hey you, my whole life / love / happiness all depends upon YOU, being able to perform and bring satisfaction to this moment…!

I am kind of exaggerating to make a point. But look honestly at how you relate with your sex, is there an element of truth in this for you? The purpose of this first stage then is the building of new habits – of easeful, relaxed and non demanding connection with your sex.

Stage two: exploring your relationship with your sex

In our own childhood, we may if we are lucky have received contact and validation such as a hugs for good grades at school. However very often our sex is quietly swept under the carpet by parents, who don’t know how to acknowledge and celebrate their own sex, let alone that of their child.

It’s a bit like without explanation, one part of our anatomy and experience is devoid of any healthy and loving acknowledgement at all. This creates a disconnect between our sex and the rest of us, and often leads to poor patterns of communication in intimacy. Here we are simply noticing the relationship pattern with our sex that is the result of our conditioning and habits. Then we are re-patterning this, to create the kind of relationship that we would LIKE and CHOOSE to have with our sex!

Stage 3: Moving into union, becoming one with your sex

In stage two, we separated out our sex in order that we might see more clearly how we are relating with it at this time. But ultimately of course sex – as with love – is about union. It is the longing to wholly merge with another, and through that merging perhaps to glimpse Source, God, or Oneness.

How though can we merge with another, if we ourselves are disconnected and separate from our own sex? We cannot, it is impossible. We may project this disconnection out onto our partners, thinking it is because of them we feel this way – “if only s/he would touch me like this, or do that, THEN I would feel pleasure!” Or if feeling alone we may blame the world for this, failing to see the separation and gap begins within our own selves.

So to merge and create union within is the foundation of flowing union with others, and ultimately with life itself!

So nothing to loose – just a few minutes a day – and so much to gain! If that speaks to you, then I suggest printing off this article, read it all a few times then focus on stage one. Carry it with you and begin weaving the practice into your daily life – upon waking, or before going to bed. In a toilet at work (really!), or somewhere quiet in your car, until you really begin to feel one with the practice. Then gradually introduce stages two and three.

Love, blessings and happy practising!
Cathryn xxx

 

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  1. […] Often we are so drawn by ideas of how we would like our sex to be or behave, that we don’t stop to enquire in depth how it actually is. This has to be our starting point. Being deeply present to our sex – our genitals – as they are is the only place to begin. For practical ways to do this read my other article Awakening sexual pleasure >> […]

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